<\/p>\n
Morgan Rees was compering a show in Buckinghamshire that, as he put it in his December 2024 Substack post, was “being held in an active restaurant with no dividing wall”. So: people eating dinner on one side of an imaginary line, a comedy show on the other, and nothing architectural between them. His verdict on the night runs to three words. “It was carnage.”<\/p>\n
Rees also notes that this wasn’t a surprise to anyone who’d done a few Decembers. “Turns out the veterans were right,” he wrote. The heckling, he says, was constant. “The onslaught of heckles, we had nowhere to hide.” And it didn’t stop when he dealt with it, either. “Just when you thought they were out, they would just fire more.”<\/p>\n
That’s the Christmas party comedy gig in one paragraph. The agency pages quoted here are written for the people booking you, not for you. This is the other side of the transaction: what to ask before you say yes, and what to build once you have.<\/p>\n
Daniel Kitson has a piece on his own site about the December circuit as it was in the winter of 1998. The bigger London clubs, he writes, were “block booked by office parties and charging maybe three times the usual admission”. Those clubs “would pay comedians double the customary weekend rate”. His summary of what that was like to actually stand in front of: “drunken, messy, giddyingly lucrative”. In the same piece he calls it “the parade of paper hats”, and his three words for those gigs are “drunken, messy, giddyingly lucrative”.<\/p>\n
Don’t take those figures to a promoter. That is 28 years ago, and none of the sources here gives a current figure. What survives the time gap is the structure. In Kitson’s account of that winter, the bigger London clubs were block booked by office parties at “maybe three times the usual admission”, and paid comedians “double the customary weekend rate”. If you want help putting a number on your own December work, that’s its own conversation<\/a>.<\/p>\n Kitson’s other useful contribution is the ending. Over time, he writes, “I took less and less pleasure in the collective drunken lunacy”, and he stopped doing them. Worth knowing in advance that Kitson did the Christmas circuit for years, took “less and less pleasure in the collective drunken lunacy”, and stopped taking the work.<\/p>\n They are not a club crowd, and everything else about the gig follows from that. Jonathan Phillips, director of Fane Speakers, states it flatly in his BCG Pro guidance for performers: “Corporate audiences are different from typical comedy club crowds.”<\/p>\n Justin Moorhouse put it in its own category entirely. Asked by British Comedy Guide whether he’d had hostile audiences, his answer included being “drunkenly hostile, or Christmas party hostile” – two separate things, in his phrasing, which feels about right. Drunk is just a state, whereas a Christmas party is a whole social event with a comedian happening in one corner of it.<\/p>\n The practical consequence is that your room-reading instincts are calibrated for the wrong room. A silence in a club means they’re listening or they hate you. A silence at a work do might mean three tables have simply resumed their own conversation at volume, which is a different problem with a different fix. Comedian Morgan Rees, writing in his Substack newsletter The Difficult Second Blog on 24 December 2024, put his Christmas gig like this: “The onslaught of heckles, we had nowhere to hide.” And: “Just when you thought they were out, they would just fire more.”<\/p>\n Phillips’s advice to performers is to establish the basics with the organiser ahead of time: “Ask about the venue setup, whether there will be a stage, microphone, and sound system”. Read that again, because the useful bit is the implication. It is worth asking whether a microphone exists. Phillips tells comedians to “ask about the venue setup, whether there will be a stage, microphone, and sound system”.<\/p>\n Add Rees’s dividing wall to the list. Ask directly whether the performance area is separated from the diners. Rees spent one December compering “a show in Buckinghamshire that was being held in an active restaurant with no dividing wall”. And ask where your slot falls in the evening. One UK booking agency, writing to event organisers rather than to you, is unusually candid about this: “A 10.30pm slot after a free bar needs a different comedian to a 9pm slot after dessert.” That’s a sales page – they’re telling a client why to pay them to match an act to a room – but the observation underneath it is correct and it works in reverse. If you’re being offered 10.30 after an open bar, you now know what you’re agreeing to.<\/p>\n The same page tells organisers to “aim for six months out” when booking a Christmas comedian. Take the gig anyway, but treat the rush as a reason to ask everything twice.<\/p>\n Keith Lowell Jensen, writing about holiday party bookings on his Standup 101 Substack, puts the set length question to bed in one line: “30 minutes is a better value than 60.” He means value to the client, and he’s right about that, but it’s also self-preservation. Thirty minutes of a room that doesn’t want a show is survivable, while an hour of it becomes an endurance event with a buffet.<\/p>\n The agency numbers land in roughly the same place from the commercial side. Funny Business, selling Christmas comedians to companies, says most shows run 30 to 45 minutes, which it reckons fits between dinner and the awards. Again, that’s marketing copy aimed at the client. It’s still useful, because it tells you what the organiser has probably been sold and therefore what they’re expecting when you walk in. If you’ve agreed 20 and they think they bought 45, somebody is going to be unhappy around minute 22.<\/p>\n Material-wise, assume clean unless somebody has specifically told you otherwise, and assume that “somebody” needs to be the person paying. We have a separate piece on building a clean set<\/a>.<\/p>\n Here’s the counterintuitive one. Jensen writes: “Small crowds in big rooms make me nervous.” It’s the mismatch that does it rather than the size either way. Keith Lowell Jensen’s version of the frightening gig isn’t a big crowd: “Small crowds in big rooms make me nervous.” <\/p>\n Which is why his other line is the most practical sentence in this entire article: “Even if you only have a dozen people in a small room, it makes a big difference having the comedian mic’d.” Twelve people in a small room, and he still wants the mic on. Ask for a microphone even in a small room.<\/p>\n So insist on the PA even when it feels absurd to ask. And then expect it not to work, because Phillips is clear-eyed about this: “Corporate events can be unpredictable, with schedules that might shift and unexpected technical issues.” Either half of that sentence can land on you in December. Phillips’s wording is that “corporate events can be unpredictable, with schedules that might shift and unexpected technical issues”. Plan for your slot to move, and have a version of your set that works if the sound misbehaves. If you’re also being asked to hold the evening together through the speeches and the prize-giving, that’s a compering job with a comedy set bolted on, and a compering guide is the better starting point.<\/p>\n Jensen doesn’t dress it up. “Corporate gigs are the gigs that are the most about getting paid and the least about art for me,” he writes – his words, about his own career, not a judgement anyone is making on yours. Kitson, describing years of the London Christmas circuit, arrives in the same place from the other end: he “took less and less pleasure in the collective drunken lunacy”, and stopped. Two comics, a couple of decades apart, describing two different versions of the same season: Kitson on his own site, his pleasure in “the collective drunken lunacy” draining away over years until he stopped taking the work; Rees in a December 2024 newsletter post, one night he sums up as “It was carnage.”<\/p>\n That’s not a reason to turn the work down. On the money, what these sources actually give us is one recollection of the late 1990s: Kitson writes that the London clubs then “would pay comedians double the customary weekend rate”. None of them says what December pays now. If it goes badly, our piece on bombing<\/a> is the one to read on the drive home rather than at 2am.<\/p>\n But go in with the information. Ask about the dividing wall, and ask where dessert finishes and where the free bar starts. Ask whether a microphone exists, in those words, and don’t feel daft doing it. Then write thirty minutes, and expect Kitson’s “parade of paper hats”.<\/p>\n Should I agree to perform without a microphone if the venue genuinely hasn’t got one?<\/strong> Jensen’s position is that it “makes a big difference having the comedian mic’d” even with only a dozen people in a small room. If the venue has nothing, you’re negotiating a different gig – closer quarters, shorter, and worth saying so to the organiser before the night rather than discovering it at 9pm.<\/p>\n Is a late slot after a free bar always worse than an early one?<\/strong> Not always, but it’s a different job. The agency line about the 10.30pm post-bar slot versus the 9pm post-dessert slot is addressed to organisers, so it’s worth asking which of the two you’re being booked for. Know which you are before you accept, rather than finding out while the paper hats are getting rowdy.<\/p>\n One last practical thing. If you’re taking several of these in a fortnight, write down after each one where your slot actually landed versus where you were told it would land. By the third December you’ll have a private spreadsheet of which organisers run to time, which ones put the awards before the comedy, and which one still hasn’t found a microphone.<\/p>\nWhat makes a Christmas party crowd different from a club crowd?<\/h2>\n
The questions to ask before you say yes<\/h2>\n
Thirty minutes is plenty, whatever the organiser hoped<\/h2>\n
Forty people in a room laid out for two hundred<\/h2>\n
What it is, said out loud<\/h2>\n
Two things people ask after this<\/h2>\n